Well here’s the Long Beach Marathon 2005 Fuzi Report.

FRDAY – How I lost an arm and leg at Disneyland.

EVERYTIME I get up at 5am to fly somewhere I swear it’s the last time I’m going to get such an early flight… maybe next time.
So me and Woody parked at the Chrstine’s-Park-And-Fly. Very reasonable rates. We met up with Paul and the question was who is going to be upgraded and be Christine’s biotch for the rest of the trip. That turned out to be me. [I’m still not sure what’s worse… James demanding I wear the French maid outfit, or Christine’s Tarzan Jungle warrior. Though the Tarzan doesn’t chaff as much.]

The flight was ok. But I got sucked into the really bad Will Ferrel soccer movie. We landed at the John Wayne airport. A really nice small airport, then off to the rental car. We piled our junk into the Durango a.k.a. the 5HIT-Mobile , and unknown to me, headed to Disneyland . Guess I didn't pay attention to the agenda. Paul had a friend Paul who let 3 of us in for free. But Paul left Paul to buy his own ticket, so it makes you wonder how good a friends Paul and Paul are.

HOLY CRAP Disney is expensive . Lots of cool statues , but not as cool as the St Paul Snoopy stuff! ;) So we got a ‘Fast Pass’ to the Buzz Lightyear ride and decide to eat. $9.03 gets you a coke and a burnt piece of pizza . Oh, and Walt won’t spot you the 3 cents…cheap bastard. So we attempted the Indiana Jones ride . Get in line, and the ride breaks. Ok, off to the pirates of the Caribbean . Back to Indiana Jones. Got a ¼ mile down the line where you can actually see the cars…and it breaks down again . We finally get on, and find it’s a Hummer type car that bounces and jerks every which way. Hell, we already get that with Paul’s driving! Then a potty break. But I didn’t know which one to use …I’ve been called the “Princess” so long, just cause I pack more than anyone else. Right after that Woody ran into an old girlfriend. He had to give her a kiss .

One cool thing; they had murals all over the place. Far away they look like pictures. But the closer you get, you see it's made up of other tiny pictures.
With some overpriced pretzels, hotdogs and chili we watched the parade go by. Mickey doesn’t look too bad for 50 .

About 5:30pm we headed to the hotel. We checked in and unloaded our junk from the 5HIT-Mobile, and crashed. Later I ALMOST had Christine mutiny with me and blow it off, but instead, they geared up for the Santa Monica Friday night skate. I decided to bail on that. I wondered down the street and found some over priced Cajun blackened catfish. Yea baby. I got a text message later from Christine “think you made the right choice it is really fast”, which is what I suspected. They eventually came rolling in about midnight.

SATURDAY- The Day Paul Was Almost Killed

So 8am rolls around. Most of the Friday skaters are crashed, so I tag along with Paul to go pick up Sam from the airport. I thought this would be a good chance to see more of Cali. Wrong, just 30 minutes of freaking highway. So we pull up and stop in the ‘No Parking/No Standing’ area. Paul gets out and smoozes with Zahara and Sandra and Sam. Cop walks by out the 5HIT-Mobile and looks at me. So I get out and open the back and put in the suitcases. “Ok…let’s go!” Sandra and Zahara go off to San Diego to sail or something. I get back in the car. Cop walks by again, while Paul and Sam stand and chit chat. That's when I used my mental telepathy "you will...get in...the car..." and it worked!! ;) Third time the cop walks by, they decide to get in...and offer him yogurt. So back to the hotel.

I caught up with Christine and Woody who were getting a crepe…mmmm…strawberry crepe w/ chocolate drizzled on it.

At this point we have everyone to go register. So we crank the tunes. After a detour if finding mouth guards, we get about ½ way there, when Paul realizes he doesn’t have Sandra’s copy of her license to get her registered. “What? Are you kidding me??” SO…back to the hotel. But this time, THE LONG WAY BACK. See Map!!! Then try this again. Oh…@*#$&@#*$ missed the exit. So double back again. Various text messages that went by about killing Paul and where to leave his body.

FINALY made it to the @*(#$&@ registration. So took several Rocky poses of SUCCESS!! There was a expo with a butt load of runner crap, but only 1 booth of skate stuff as far as I could see. Didn't ever figure out the purpose of the sperm balloons . There was talk of skating the strand, and I thought, “cool. Finally see the beach. And work off this stress. They really use helmets around here . Were we happy to be out of that car and back at the hotel? HELL YES!!

So we gear up and skate the strand . Along the way we stop at a pier and take picks of a skating shark . And amazed at the bikini folk in 62 degree water!! [That's for Johnny] Oof!! Saw an interesting bike . And a hang glider Turn around when some discussions started about dinner. So fought the wind back to the start. Find this hole in the wall expensive Italian place. $15 appetizers. Oh want a refill of you coke..that’ll be $2. WFT!!

SUNDAY-I left my cookies on Hermosa Beach

So 4am rolls around. Holy shishkabob that’s early. I grab my junk, suit up and I stopped by Paul’s room to help wake up Sandra & Zahara . [This is the only pic we have of Zahara. :)] Eventually everyone comes down to the lobby.

Well all pile in the 5HIT-Mobile and head out. THIS time we catch the right exit and make it to the Convention Center. The 3000 bikers hard left when we just skated up. Bumped into an Austin skater.

That was the most convoluted course I had ever seen. Left, then right, then hairpin to double back, etc. There was the occasional crap, but mostly smooth stuff. I never did find anyone to draft with. One of the worse parts was they had mile markers every mile. So “hmmm 1 mile, 25 to go” “2 miles, 24 to go” “8 miles, #@#$%@ 18 to go”. At mile marker 21 I started cramping up. At mile marker 23 I tossed my cookies. At mile marker 25.5 I thought “someone please shoot me!”.

So then you finish. Big celebration? NO. Big cheering crowds? NO. Big tent with bananas and water and power bars? NO. Finisher medal? NO. Did the runners have all that? OH HELL YES!!!

And thus Fuzi Dave goes ballistic ape sh-t!!! I go up to the guy w/ the medals for the runners. “hey, I’d like a medal” “I was told not to give them to skaters” “um, pardon me?” “oh yea, there’s a ‘inline’ medal” “oh ok, and where pray tell are those?” “oh, we don’t know.” At this point The-Guy-In-The-Black-Shirt comes up “I’ll have them here in 10 minutes”.

15 minutes later, Fuzi-Dave taps into his inner rage
“I need a medal” “I was told not to give them to skaters” “look!! I paid $100 freaking dollars to do this freaking marathon. I want my freaking medal!!” “well we just ran out of the ‘inline’ medals” “bullsh-t!! The-Guy-In-The-Black-Shirt never came back with them!! I want my freaking medal!!” at this point two other skater ladies come up, voicing my same sentiment. While idiot-boy was distracted I grabbed a handful of medals. I passed them out to our folks. And gave 2 to the ladies that caused the distraction so I could get them! ;) [And no I didn't say 'freaking'. I used the other f-word... FUDGE {'A Christmas Story' referecne}]

Then off to lunch .

We go to Scotty’s Restaurant. Much better than the overpriced Disney and Italian place. Just sucky service!! After 15 minutes waiting Christine is happy . She finally got her Coke . Had some yummy swordfish. Then back to the hotel for a shower and well deserved nap.

After about an hour, I was ready to venture out. Well everyone else was still crashed. So me and Christine found a patio, had a beer and pina colada and a rita and nachos and people watched. And later everyone else caught up to us. Then came the discussion of dinner. We get down to the lobby and ask about the best sushi nearby. Wasabi Sushi, just down the road. Me and Christine go check it out. I remember passing it on my Friday night solo ramble. Looks good!

The sushi was fan-freakin-tastic!!! Lots of rolls and stuff to share. And sake!! And Timo teaching us Finnish phrases like “I look better naked” . And something about “the naked elephant in a tutu” , but I didn’t quite get that one. Must have been the sake!! After that headed for ice cream.

MONDAY-Do I Hear The Theme From Jaws???

Monday morning, headed down for breakfast. Some of our folks were already there. I grabbed some eggs and sausage and biscuits and ate. The discussion was to go surf. So we get our stuff and head out.

So off to the surfer shop, Jeffers . Paul, Woody, Sam and Timo gear up . Paul gives his surfer instructions . Once they start, Christine surprises me “I’m going in!” she goes back to Jeffers and gets a boogie board. After the first wave knocks her down “I’m going back for a wet suit!!” . So I grab the board and head in. HOLY SHITAKE MUSHROOM!! The water was FREEZING!! My Timex thermometer watch read 62 degrees. So I’m out there floating w/ the big boys on their surf boards in the pansy wet suits. You cowards!! Christine came out. 2nd time at the possible sighting of a Sealarkphin [seal or shark or dolphin] it was decided we had enough. Here's Paul UNDER his surf board Others:

Back to the hotel to clean up, pack up and have lunch. Tried the Mediterranean place, but they were closed. So went to Hennessey’s Irish pub. Had some over fried fish & chips and Guinness and watch the rain come down in sunny California. After that, back to the car to Duke’s airport and leave sunny California .

Timo got the upgrade this time ...bastard! And the question is, how will he look in his Viking warrior outfit, while working on Christine’s deck.
And just what was he reading??